Have you ever felt like you needed to hide or minimize your parenting responsibilities at work? Many parents and caregivers are afraid to talk about their childcare responsibilities in the office. They worry their co-workers and supervisors won’t perceive them as fully committed to their jobs.
As a result, many workers feel pressure to lie about why they have to leave work early (i.e., to pick up the kids) or to pretend they are sick - when it’s actually their kids - because it feels like a more acceptable reason to miss work. But a workplace culture that puts pressure on us to minimize our parenting roles has serious consequences for everyone:
Inflexibility around childcare causes companies to lose valuable workers.
Research finds that pressure around parenting responsibilities at work contributes to the gender gap for young professionals.
This issue is a serious obstacle to individuals finding an acceptable work-life balance.
So, let’s talk about how workers can discuss this issue with employers and what employers can do to improve the culture around childcare in the office.
For managers
Be open about your own childcare responsibilities
This type of cultural change within the workplace is something that everyone needs to be on board with if the change is to stick. It’s important for senior employees to take the lead here. Being transparent about your life beyond the office doesn’t just create a better environment for other parents, but for all employees.
When a supervisor talks about leaving the office to pick up their children or needing to end a meeting by a certain time to make it to the little league game or ballet recital, it puts everyone more at ease about asking for personal time off. Because so much of our work can be done away from the office these days, it only makes sense that our working hours become more flexible.
In addition to sick days, more and more companies offer personal days, as well as paid parental leave for fathers. However, without a culture of transparency, many workers are afraid to use these personal days.
Check-in with your staff and figure out what they need at whatever stage of life they’re experiencing
It’s common for companies to do exit interviews when employees leave an organization. But what if companies made it a common practice to do “life-stage” interviews with employees throughout their time with the organization? For example, what parents of young children need is different from what workers caring for adult parents need and from what someone going through a difficult divorce or grieving the loss of a spouse might need.
When supervisors and managers empathize with employees asking what they need, employees feel valued and see the value of the organization in turn. It’s really as simple as acknowledging the humanity of workers dealing with life challenges outside of work.
For employees
This can be trickier to navigate because you need to gauge your workplace climate and figure out what feels most comfortable for you. But here are some of the ways parents and caregivers have approached being more open about parenting responsibilities at work:
Be specific about what you write on your shared calendar
If you are a nursing mother who needs to take time out of your workday to pump breast milk, for instance, write exactly that on the calendar. When you aren’t specific about parenting responsibilities at work, it’s actually harder for others to respect your boundaries and easier for you to put your needs second. So be transparent.
When you treat your responsibilities as sacrosanct, you’ll be surprised at how quickly others will follow your lead.
Be transparent with your “out of office” messages
Customers and colleagues alike appreciate knowing when they shouldn’t expect a prompt email response, but rather than a generic response saying that you are away from your desk, try being more specific.
I know a mom who puts whatever child-related activity she’s involved with in her out-of-office reply. For example: “I’m serving up green eggs and ham at my child’s school for Dr. Seuss’s birthday bash. I’ll be back at noon.” If you decide to try this, remember to respect your organization’s communication norms, of course.
Stating your boundaries in this way will help to normalize talking about parenting responsibilities at work.
Offer a schedule that works for you
Many parents and caregivers are happy to jump on a virtual call before the kids get up or after they’ve gone to bed. So, while you may need to leave the office at 5 pm to get dinner on the table, make it clear to your supervisor that an 8:15 pm meeting can work for you.
Proposing a concrete schedule signals to your manager and colleagues that you are 100% committed to your work and given enough flexibility, you’re more than willing to work around your personal responsibilities.
Above all, having mutual respect for what we all need to work optimally well will build a stronger workplace culture. If you have found yourself having to hide or minimize your parenting responsibilities at work, it’s worth a conversation. See what you can do, whether you’re a manager or an employee, to start the discussion.