The statistics published by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention on children’s mental health are staggering:
7.1% of children aged 3-17 years (approximately 4.4 million) have diagnosed anxiety.
3.2% of children aged 3-17 years (approximately 1.9 million) have diagnosed depression.
Anxiety and depression have only increased in kids over the years.
Some of these feelings of anxiety and depression are centered around ideas of worthlessness, worry about the future, separation anxiety, and unexpected phobias.
Why are anxiety and depression among kids on the rise? Well, overall anxiety and depression are on the rise and children are tiny sponges who are more aware than most parents realize. Your fears and anxieties will rub off on your child—your patterns and habits are the foundation for what your child will learn. The tips shared in this article are not only for children, they are predominantly for the parents raising a child.
None of this is meant to make you feel guilty. Do not beat yourself up over patterns of the mind you may not even realize are there, but if your child is suffering from anxiety or depression take a moment to reflect—are these feelings your child has, also feelings you share?
Symptoms of Depression and Anxiety
This article is going to be a deconstruction of what a healthy kid is—because a healthy kid is one who does not have anxiety, or depression, or behavioral issues. Healthy kids feel innocent and freed to explore the world.
To raise a healthy kid, we first need to know the signs and symptoms of a child who is burdened with the problems of an adult.
Depression symptoms include:
Irritable mood, mood swings, unexplained fits of emotion
Difficulty sleeping or concentrating
Withdrawing from friends and activities
Loss of energy, indifference, apathy
Low self-esteem, feelings of guilt and worthlessness
Changes in eating habits
Oftentimes depression and anxiety are partners in crime and the symptoms can be similar, anxiety symptoms could include:
Worry, fears, thoughts that don’t go away
Avoidance of people, places, situations
Restlessness
Shortness of breath, nausea, faintness, dry mouth, sweating, shaking
If you notice any of these signs or symptoms in your child please do not panic. Children, like adults, all experience times where we, “have the blues” or are living “a gray day.” But these symptoms are indicators that your child may not be alright and knowing what the symptoms are allows you to have a plan of action in place if you expect your child is suffering from anxiety or depression.
Fight, Flight, Freeze
When our bodies are stuck in these feelings, they trigger the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus is the part of the brain that alerts us to danger and is linked to our most animalistic tendencies. These tendencies are the triggers of fight, flight, or freeze.
The occasional symptom of a blue spell is not a cause for concern, necessarily. It is the constant state of being stuck in the hypothalamus that causes a child to react without knowing why. It isn’t that your child isn’t talking to you, it’s that they don’t know how to convey the emotions they feel. They aren’t behaviorally “bad” or “wrong”—their bodies are stuck in a hyper-vigilant place of fear and reaction.
Knowing that the body's baseline reaction is fight, flight, or freeze can often explain mood swings and bad temperaments (fight), withdrawing from friends, family and social situations (flight), or the inability to respond to their environment (freeze).
Break the Stigma
This is a wonderful opportunity to raise awareness on a long held belief in American society that seeking a mental health professional makes you “weak” or “vulnerable” or “too emotional.” We do not have the tools or resources to “go it alone.” If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your child.
Even more so 2020 has brought unprecedented times of isolation, lack of socialization, feelings of loneliness, and stress.
You are not alone in this struggle.
It is okay to feel overwhelmed and out of control. But we need to be aware of our actions in order to prevent them from affecting our children. Mental health professionals are wonderful resources to guide you through the process of seeing patterns of the mind you might not know exist. Cultivating the tools and resources to manage being human is a long process, but in order to raise healthy children it is one we must embark on together.
The Best Preventive Measure: A Plan of Action
A plan of action will allow you and your child to effectively know what to do when the mind is triggered and there is no rational explanation for what is being felt. You must remember this is a process and practicing these tips will create a fluid understanding of anxiety and depression, not necessarily make them disappear.
Transparency is key here. Communicate with your child about mental health when you can so there are no feelings of shame.
Our tips are:
Create a support system, this could be a friend with a kid, the school counselor, your mental health professional, your partner, and family members. Surround yourself with people who keep you accountable.
Educate yourself about mental health. Education is key to understanding and understanding is where healthy connections can be made. If you understand your own mental health, you will be more equipped to help your child understand theirs.
Model stress tolerance, this does not mean blow up behind a closed door. It means be vocal and honest about what stresses you out, to yourself and to your partner, so that your child does not have to be a witness to your stress. If you cultivate calmness, your stress won’t rub off on your kid.
Cultivate tools of resiliency—take time in a day to disengage from your stressors. It is not selfish to take time for yourself. Breath, meditate, journal, walking in nature, and exercise are wonderful tools to cultivate presence of mind, which helps build clarity and space from stress. Learn what works to manage your stress and follow through.
Pay attention to your child’s feelings, pay attention for cues of mental health struggles, and hear them out every time. Kids know much more than we give them credit for. When kids are facing adult situations and problems, do not treat them like kids. Communicate with them, explain the situation, and remember they emulate your behavior.
Do not stigmatize your child and label them with a disorder. This article is not intended for you to diagnose your child. Only a professional can do that. It is meant for you to better understand the signs of an unhealthy kid and educate you on ways to raise a healthier, happy kid.
Most importantly, understand this is a process with no solution or fix. There is no finish line or trophy waiting for you. The satisfaction is creating more peace and ease in your life for you and your child. One that prioritizes health, stress management, and balance.
A kid that is healthy feels no concerns. They don’t worry about financial tightness, job insecurity, or separation anxiety—kids are meant to be light and free to grow up in their own time. By engaging with what stresses you out, you can better prevent your child’s stress levels from rising. Also, by prioritizing your own mental health, you can better manage your own stress.
The joy of raising a kid is getting to be a kid yourself. Have fun, breath, play, and show your kid what it means to seek joy.
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